So Richard is starting school in less than three months in Fort Worth, TX. This is something I knew about before we were even dating. It was something I knew would happen once we got married. I knew we would be making this big move. I was very excited. I love change of scenery. What I don’t love so much is leaving the people I LOVE. It sucks to put it bluntly.
I mean I remember what its like to be college students and have no money. Pretty much means we won’t be able to afford to come and visit my family. My two little brothers are growing up so fast. And I don’t want to miss any of it. I already feel like I’ve missed so much. Kevin is playing baseball and I am SO SO PROUD! But I haven’t been able to go to a game, and I’m only 3 1/2 hours away, I’m about to be 14 hours away. He needs encouragement and people to believe in him. Then there is Arthur, who has such a loving, kind, sensitive heart. I feel like I’m never going to be able to help protect his heart being so far away. I know everyone would say to trust God in protecting them. But what if the people in their lives don’t ever step up and show them who Jesus is? I don’t want them to feel the way I did when I was a teenager. I don’t want them to feel that hopeless and think love doesn’t exist! I want them to have a different life!
Yesterday I was getting upset with Richard about me turning in applications for jobs. I spent a lot of time looking for jobs and trying to make my cover letter sound perfect, when all of a sudden I just freaked out! Richard called and I just was mean and frustrating to him. Which I know came across as I didn’t trust him. Now I know it was me being sad about leaving! I feel like as soon as I submit that first resume that I’m saying goodbye to everyone. I don’t want to! I’m scared. I don’t understand how everything is going to workout with the move. I feel SO MUCH pressure to have to find a job that is way out of my qualifications! I don’t have a degree I’ve only worked retail, which pays crap! How am I supposed to provide enough for Richard and I. I’m TERRIFIED of failing. I can’t fail, if I do, we both do. I don’t like having this responsibility!
Anyway just really freaking out about everything! I’m turning in some resumes today, here we go…