.laurendru.

a sojourners thoughts

Losing everything comfortable April 22, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — laurendru @ 4:41 pm

So Richard is starting school in less than three months in Fort Worth, TX. This is something I knew about before we were even dating. It was something I knew would happen once we got married. I knew we would be making this big move. I was very excited. I love change of scenery. What I don’t love so much is leaving the people I LOVE. It sucks to put it bluntly.

I mean I remember what its like to be college students and have no money. Pretty much means we won’t be able to afford to come and visit my family. My two little brothers are growing up so fast. And I don’t want to miss any of it. I already feel like I’ve missed so much. Kevin is playing baseball and I am SO SO PROUD! But I haven’t been able to go to a game, and I’m only 3 1/2 hours away, I’m about to be 14 hours away. He needs encouragement and people to believe in him. Then there is Arthur, who has such a loving, kind, sensitive heart. I feel like I’m never going to be able to help protect his heart being so far away. I know everyone would say to trust God in protecting them. But what if the people in their lives don’t ever step up and show them who Jesus is? I don’t want them to feel the way I did when I was a teenager. I don’t want them to feel that hopeless and think love doesn’t exist! I want them to have a different life!

Yesterday I was getting upset with Richard about me turning in applications for jobs. I spent a lot of time looking for jobs and trying to make my cover letter sound perfect, when all of a sudden I just freaked out! Richard called and I just was mean and frustrating to him. Which I know came across as I didn’t trust him. Now I know it was me being sad about leaving! I feel like as soon as I submit that first resume that I’m saying goodbye to everyone. I don’t want to! I’m scared. I don’t understand how everything is going to workout with the move. I feel SO MUCH pressure to have to find a job that is way out of my qualifications! I don’t have a degree I’ve only worked retail, which pays crap! How am I supposed to provide enough for Richard and I. I’m TERRIFIED of failing. I can’t fail, if I do, we both do. I don’t like having this responsibility!

Anyway just really freaking out about everything! I’m turning in some resumes today, here we go…

 

Family March 25, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — laurendru @ 1:20 pm

This past weekend Richard and I went to Jacksonville for the weekend. I wanted to visit family and friends since we will be moving to Texas sometime within the next few months.

I didn’t realize how big my family was until this weekend! I’ve always said I have a pretty small family compared to most people. We haven’t lived near family since I was young so it was just my immediate family. Which only consists of 6 people. But I have been so WRONG! My family is HUGE!

The Lord has place these AMAZING families in my life.

As we were driving back to Graceville, I was getting comfy and ready for a little nap. As I was drifting to sleep I was thinking of how great my God is! How each person I was able to see this weekend, God put into my life. How he used each one of them to shape and mold and challenge me. They are my family now. (Isn’t that how the body of Christ is supposed to be?)

I realized how incredibly blessed I am to have had so many people invest in my life. To love me! So many don’t have that in their lives, and it breaks my heart. It has been on of the most important aspect of my life. Without people loving and investing in me, I would have never known that Jesus died for me. I would have never known that the God of the universe created me, loves me, has plans for me. I would have never known.

I pray that God uses me in this way, so that one day I can save a young person from death.

 

New Chapter March 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — laurendru @ 11:22 pm

Wow it’s been about 3 years since I have posted a blog! My life has had some major changes, and not so many changes at the same time…

Changes:

I’m 3 years older (24)

I’m married

I have a dog named Bronx

I’m an Aunt

I have a Scentsy business

Not so much change:

Still in Graceville, FL

Still working at Easy Spirit

Still haven’t finished school

Still have no idea what I’m doing in life (?)

Right now:

Richard and I are in the middle of planning a move to Fort Worth Texas by July.

I will be supporting my husband while he finishes his masters (a scary thought for me and my fear of failure. If I fail he fails!)

Last little note for the day:

I want to blog more about how marriage has been. I never could have imagined all of the emotions I would go through and continue to go through. Even after all of the “advise” and statements about how marriage would be, until I was married I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I thought I did. I was so wrong! I want to check with my wonderful husband on what is okay for me to tell the world (I tend to say whatever to anyone…a little too honest sometimes) I’m hoping that some young women who have recently been married can understand and relate and this will help them know they aren’t crazy! I’m also hoping you all don’t think I’m crazy, and if you do, well I can handle it! (I think, won’t lie) I’m hoping that more experienced married folk tell me their stories also! 🙂

 

.delightful. August 27, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — laurendru @ 5:39 pm

Delightful: Greatly pleasing; giving great pleasure or delight; highly pleasing.

Every once in awhile the Lord places a word in my heart. For about the past year and a half it has been love, and through that my life has completely changed. I seriously am not the same person I was a year ago and I am so thankful for that. Now as of Sunday it seems to be the word delightful. I haven’t really even had the time to look into the word yet. But I have this overwhelming sense of wanting a delightful relationship with Jesus. I don’t want to be ok with a mediocre relationship with him. I don’t want to have to convince anyone that I am in love with Jesus. I want them to look at me or know me and say wow look at how she delights in Christ! This Sunday I just knew that I was missing this in my relationship with Christ. As I looked around the church and i guess I just observed the people and I felt sorry for them. They were not delighting in Christ while worshiping, they just felt so luke warm I guess would help describe it. And seeing that I just said…that is not what I want…I know that Jesus wants to be delightful to me (us) and I’m going to let that in. I don’t want to push away something that is joyful and pleasing. I think I remember someone telling me that Jesus delights in us and after looking up the English definition that makes me smile. So I’m not sure everything I’m going to learn through just this one word…but i am really excited. After learning about love I have so much trust and faith that Jesus will change me through this and strengthen our relationship.

more on delight in the future…

🙂

 

Leaving Soon July 11, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — laurendru @ 1:48 am

I am so excited that were leaving for NY in like a week and a half! I can’t wait. I’ve been reading Andrew Mann’s blogs. He’s the main guy at Graffitti 2 minitries. He writes about gangs and shootings that pretty much happen right outside his apartment. I think he’s the only white guys in his neighborhood. It amazes me at how the people respect him and accept him their. It gives me the chills at how God obviously placed him there. Reading some of the stuff that has happened through his ministry is so GOD. That’s the only way to describe it. I love that there is someone in such a hard neighborhood showing God’s love to these children who so desperatly need to know of God’s love and that their is a savior.

I’m sooooo thankful that I get the opportunity to help out. It stinks that its only for a week. But I just can’t wait to meet the kids and build as much of a relationship with them as I can. And I can’t wait to have fun with them and laugh with them and see them smiling and forgeting if just for a couple hours of the horrors of their everyday life. I also can’t wait for the opportunity to talk to their parents when they come by to pick them up ro drop them off. Its crazy  how God will draw people before you even get their and all of a sudden someone open ups to you and wants to know more about Jesus.

I’m praying about where to do my internship this coming summer and this place is one of the places I’m praying about. So when I go it will either be a yes or a no…we’ll find out 🙂

Were leaving July 2oth for Atlanta and then catching a flight to NY Saturday afternoon.

 

I want to move up north! May 25, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — laurendru @ 9:17 pm

So on Wednesday Aimee and I started our adventure up the east coast. From Jacksonville Florida to Cape Cod Mass. It was really fun. I love driving and I love being able to see scenery as you drive. Going through NYC and then Connecticut was my favorite! NYC just fascinates me and then Conn. is beautiful! All the tree’s its so green and makes me feel like I can breathe better. There’s something about the North that I love and it makes me smile. Maybe it is because I spent the first part of my life up here. I don’t know, but i like it 🙂

We stopped at a hotel in Virginia; we made it their at 9:01 pm…just in time to watch lost! haha it made me laugh. We were running down the hallway to get to our room. Then the next day we headed out for the last part of the trip (my favorite) The only part I didn’t like was the fact i was 34 miles away from Philly at one point! I wanted to go soo bad! That’s what I don’t like about driving, it makes you realize all that your missing. When you fly you don’t really think about it. If Iwould have had more money I would have definitely stopped in PA. I haven’t been there in at least 5 years!

So its been good so far. Today were just going to take it easy, we went out to the beach for a little, then got some coffee at Honey Dew.  I can’t wait to go to Boston. I told Aimee if I only see one thing I want to see Boston College. My whole life since I was little I wanted to go to school their. And seeing that didn’t happen I at least want to go visit!

Well that’s all for now 🙂

 

missions May 1, 2007

Filed under: missions — laurendru @ 6:17 pm

       So lately I’ve been just trying to figure out my life. I think I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been planning my future all on my own. When I first started learning about missionaries and hearing their stories I was in awe. I was so impressed and moved by their lives and how God lived through them. I sparked a passion and desire in my heart. So I then ended up here at BCF. I didn’t know exactly what I would do in life, I just knew I loved missionaries and wanted to learn more. I wanted to be one. Now somewhere along this path I’ve lost my passion for this, to the point of where I was highly considering changing my major. And right before I was going to e-mail Dr. Jumper to make an appointment to talk to him about it. I just had a feeling that I shouldn’t and I need to just stick with my major. So I did and lately I’ve been seeing my desire for mission to come back. Somewhere within the past two years I had decided (on my own, I might add) that I was going to be a missionary in North America and that I wasn’t called over sea’s. Now I’m not sure (or can’t remember) how I came to this conclusion. But I think God is just looking into my heart now and seeing all my plans and my desires and my dreams. And that’s a little scary. When I became a Christian at almost 16 I fully gave God my life. I happily wanted his will because mine was about to kill me…literally. And those days I remember having to deal with some really hard things, but at the same time I was so joyful letting God direct me. It was different, and I fought it from time to time. But in the end when I let go of all my plans I saw God’s hand leading me. And I was never happier. Around that time is when I felt called to be a missionary. I didn’t know much about God or theology. But I knew I wanted to be able to let God lead and live through me and to share with others. Slowly for about two years now I’ve been taking my life back. I slowly started making my own plans and dreams because it’s what I wanted and everything I wanted would make me happy and in the end glorify me           

       Now that I’ve come to the realization that for the past two years I have been making my own plans, God is telling me to surrender my plans and dreams and hopes. They all are serving my needs. They are all selfish. So I’m scared one, to tell people that everything I’ve been telling them isn’t true. (pride issue) and two, that I’m back to nothing but trust and telling God “I’ll go” even though I don’t know what or where.           

        God, I am SO selfish and am living for myself. I struggle with giving you the glory because my flesh so badly wants it for itself. Lord, help me to know you and glorify YOU. Help me see that I am nothing unless you are my all. Continue to break me down so all I can depend on is you. I’ve been playing it so safe with you in fear that you will break me and I will lose all the comforts I have right now. But Lord, PLEASE take them away. Help me to realize I can’t live without you and that YOU are the only think I need! , help me to bring back the missionary heart you gave me back in high school! I don’t want to throw that miracle away! I want to glorify you. Help me to let go of the pride and selfishness and self centeredness. I want to be God centered. I want people to see how you Jesus suffered to save us from ourselves and death. Thank you Jesus for the life you have freely given to me, you are my greatest sacrifice. I love you and just want to glorify you in the time I have on this earth. Amen.