New Car? April 30, 2007

So Armond told me the other day that he found a 2000 cavalier that just needs a new engine or something…and the people are going to give it to him for 200 dollars. Then he just has to replace the engine. The rest of the car is in great condition from what he said. So I’m really hoping/praying that I can get this car. My car is definitely on the road to dying any time now. I really need a reliable car so i can get a full time job this summer. And that will last me through the rest of my school. The car is a standard…which i have to idea how to drive, but I’m more then willing to learn seeing as i really need a car and it’s better on gas. So hopefully God will allow this to happen and by the next time i go home i can get it….It’s really all up to Armond though and if my parents can afford it…which they think they can as of right now. I’ll talk to them more about it this week.

Well I have two papers to write by tomorrow So i should go. I want to write more about what’s been going on at church and with the girls and stuff… but i’ll have to do that at a later time

.lauren.

loving. traveling. observing. building relationships. April 21, 2007

So i’ve been thinking and praying a lot about traveling…i’ve come to the realization that maybe its okay that i’m not sure where i’m going after college…or in life in general. It always bothered me when people would tell me that they knew exactly where they were going and doing for the rest of their life….i guess it made me feel inferior to them because I didn’t know what the crap I was doing or where I was going to live. My thing is, a like a lot of stuff. I like art and photography and missions and office jobs and cute little cafe’s. I like city’s and suburbs and a little country and other countries. I don’t see myself really settiling down anywhere anytime soon. I’m single, young, don’t have any attachments to anyone or thing. I’m not stuck in a certain place…its like i have the world at my finger tips and I can decide to go anywhere and do anything. Yes money is definatly a main factor in traveling….but i want to see the world. There’s so much more then the south or north to life. There’s whole other countries and millions of different cultures! I want to see them. I don’t want to just know selfish america (don’t get me wrong I love it! and love traveling around here too) I want to see how other people live and see how God created other people and how their lives are going. I love to observe. I am extremlly good at that. So loving and traveling and observing and building relationships is what I want to do. I’m going to take advantage of the freedom I have in life right now. Of course I want to settle down and have a family and kids one day. I can’t wait to experience falling in love, getting married and building that relationship until I die. But that’s not now and i’m not going to be a girl that is letting the world pass her by while she’s waiting on prince charming to show up. And I don’t want the guy i’m going to marry to be sitting around just thinking about getting married and never get to experience life and people.(reminds me of some people at my school! you don’t have to be married to experience life!!!!!! or do things in life or do ministry!!) I want him to be passionate about life. God’s stiring this passion for people in my heart and I’m LOVING it! I’m weeding through my meaness and unmerciful and selfish ways and seeing people more for who they really are…which are a people who Christ is passionately seeking…how awesome is it to know that every face you look into is being pursued by Christ and He desiring a relationship for them! I can’t fully understand that but it makes me excited and freaks me out at the same time…haha

well anyway…i’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and uh i finally had words to get some of it out

So this weeked my parents and two little brothers are coming into town. Armond is going to try and fix my car….i’m hoping that he can get it to work because its killing me not having a car…or being able to get a job. Kevin’s birthday is on sunday, I bought a cookie cake and some balloons today at walmart…so were gonna have a little party for him on saturday night while their in town.

.silence. April 19, 2007

So i’m in this weird place on this journey right now. And I don’t know how to explain it.

The only thing that comes close to me explaining it is, relating it to Cameron Diaz role in The Holiday. Her character can’t cry. Thoughout the movie you see her trying to (quite comical I may add). That is exactly how I feel. Not about crying, because I don’t have a very hard time crying. But in explaining or talking about what’s going on in my life. I usually don’t have a hard time with that…and i’m very open about telling people. But lately I just don’t have words.

I keep a journal and I write down everything from prayers, to daily events in life, to lyrics etc. Usually I can write pages at a time. But lately they’ve been less that one page. Its weird.

There is this “thing” stiring inside of me. I can’t pinpoint what it is.

It kind of feels like when you have a crush on someone and you get done having a good conversation with them…and you go home and just scream at the top of your lungs….because you just can’t hold in your happiness (so maybe i’m the only one…haha but i’m cool with that)

I just can’t find what I want to scream in joy about…

Nyc and Beauty April 12, 2007

As some of you may know, last summer I went on a mission trip to NYC. It was the only mission trip where I felt Satan was trying to sabotage the whole trip. And to be honest I let him do a pretty good job of it. I believed lies throughout the whole trip and by the time I returned to Florida I was ready to forget I ever went and had come to the conclusion that God would never let me go back. It was really sad for me because I had been so excited about going and really thought that God wanted me to serve their. Now don’t get me wrong, the trip definitely had its highlights and I was able to pray and minister to some hurting and searching people, and I will never forget how I saw God pursuing those people and loving them. It was really amazing.

When I got home from that trip I ended up throwing a good amount of my souvenirs away because I was so frustrated with all the lies I gave in too and believed. I was sure I would never go back. But I was wrong. I have been trying to just forget about that whole situation that happened last summer. But now out of the blue someone invited me to do a mission trip in the Bronx for a week in July. My first thought was I can’t go, God doesn’t want me there. Then as I was just lying on my bed thinking about NYC I started getting more and more excited about it and I started to remember all the things I loved about it and my original excitement for going to NYC. So I decided that I would go. As the days have been passing the more I have been getting excited about it. Today I wanted to really figure out why I was going. Was it just because I wanted to do it?  

Some people think of nature when they think of beauty. They see green hills, or mountains and lakes, or maybe the peaceful beach scenes. I will completely agree that I sit in awe when I see things like that, and I love seeing how God created beauty in nature. However, when I think of NYC I think beauty. Some times I even question myself….how can you think of buildings and sidewalks and honking horns and the smell of trash are beauty. Well it’s not so much the surroundings, it’s the people. I stand in this city with millions of people from all over the world and I see God’s beauty and love when I look at them. God created us! We are his beautiful creation! We are his priority and his people. He loves us and is passionately pursuing us; chasing us with his unconditional love. I look around at all the different people from so many places and see a God who has created them with meaning and purpose and for love. I see people who are hurting and searching for something. They don’t even know what it is, but they are seeking. And I see a God who can’t wait for someone love them and tell them about him; A God who has called me to tell them of his love and grace, and how he sent his only son to earth to die on the cross for all our sins and who rose again, so we can have life. So we may enter into a personal relationship with him. I honestly care about these people. I know people are everywhere…but there’s something about this city that just captures my heart. And I have the opportunity now for a week to pour out my heart into children in theBronx.

So this is why I’m going, because I am joining God in wanting them to have a personal relationship with him, to experience truth and love. If you would pray for this trip I would appreciate it greatly! It is going to be amazing and would love your support. I’m sure I will have more to write as the dates get closer, I can’t wait to go! J